Rule 2- Help

The best way to summarize Rule 2 is DHA or Don't Help Anybody.

If your friend calls you up and needs help moving a couch simply don't pick up or if you do pick up then use your bullshit reflex.

The Bullshit Reflex is a quick acting muscle distributed from the brain that causes you to lie. So if you need to make up an excuse use your Bullshit Reflex and you'll be all safe. Unless your a Pro Asshole and you just say "No".

When Training to become a proper Asshole you must only help people when it will be negative towards them. Say put your Aunt's phone number on Craigslist as that of a Prostitute. Or sign your brother up to organize crafts at a Nursing Home.

Never ever ever offer your services to help others and always do your best to screw them over. Once you master this practice you'll be on your way as the biggest Asshole who's ever walked this damn planet.